October 8, 2025

When a Business Owner Asks You to Dance | LoL #16

Shane Pierson, Stephanie Dunn & Brian Congelliere

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When a Business Owner Asks You to Dance — Key Takeaways & Deep Dive

There is a moment in every acquisition conversation when the business owner tips their hand — sometimes with a direct question, sometimes with a story about being tired, sometimes by asking you to dance at a corporate event. In Episode 16 of Lords of Lending, Stephanie Dunn, Shane Pearson, and Brian Congelliere sit down with Ruth Thorn Kress, a powerhouse who has acquired over 20 cemeteries, two funeral homes, a crematory, and a granite monument company since 2019, to break down how to read client signals, what it really looks like when a business owner is ready to sell, and why the dynamics are different when you are a woman in a male-dominated industry.

In this episode: Steph opens with the story that gave this episode its name — a bank owner asking her to dance at a corporate event, and the president of the bank telling her "when the owner asks you to dance, you dance." That memory became the launching point for a raw, personal conversation about women in corporate America, the barriers to capital access that persisted long after 1988, and how Ruth built a funeral industry empire by leading with compassion, reading seller psychology, and refusing to wait for permission. The episode is equal parts acquisition masterclass and manifesto for entrepreneurial women.

Key Takeaways

1. Reading the Seller Signal Is the Most Important Skill in Acquisitions

The funeral industry is experiencing what many industries are going through right now: a silver tsunami. Steph cited data showing that nearly half of funeral directors plan to retire in the next five years. That creates an enormous pipeline of acquisitions — but only for buyers who know how to read the signals and respond the right way.

Ruth's approach to acquiring 20+ entities in under six years did not start with spreadsheets or cold calls. It started with understanding people. When she walks into a conversation with a multi-generational owner, she leads with one question: what was your dream for this business?

That question does something powerful. It tells the seller that this buyer cares about the legacy, not just the asset. It opens a conversation about employees, about family, about what the seller built over decades. And most importantly, it lets the seller sell themselves on the idea of selling — because they can see their dream continuing under someone who respects it.

"A lot of times the kids don't want it. A lot of times they don't even have a kid. So they want somebody to continue on what their dream was." — Ruth Thorn Kress, Lords of Lending Episode #16

Ruth's first concern when acquiring a business is the employees. She described how sellers' biggest fear is almost always the same: what happens to the people who worked for me for 20, 30, 40 years? Her answer — "We don't look to fire anybody. We want everybody to come on, be part of our team" — is not just good ethics. It is good acquisition strategy. Keeping existing staff reduces transition risk, maintains institutional knowledge, and builds goodwill in the community.

Shane identified the underlying principle that makes this work. He called it "moral authority" — the credibility that comes from being a leader who serves. Ruth does not just talk about knowing the business. She can dig a grave. She can lay markers. She can set a vault. She gets on a zero-turn mower when the maintenance crew falls behind. When her employees see the owner doing the same work they do, it creates a loyalty that no compensation package can buy. That is the kind of operator profile that makes lenders comfortable writing a check.

2. Women in Business Lending Are Still Fighting Battles That Should Have Ended Decades Ago

Steph brought receipts to this episode. Women own an estimated 42% of businesses in America. Women-owned businesses have grown at twice the national average over the past 20 years. The women's economy employs over 12 million Americans and generates over $2.7 trillion in annual revenue.

And yet, only 16% of bank loans go to women.

The history Steph laid out puts that number in context. Women could not borrow money to buy a home until 1970. Women could not get a credit card in their own name until the mid-1970s. And it was not until 1988 that a woman could borrow money for a business without a male co-signer. 1988. That is within the working lifetime of both Steph and Ruth.

"It was only until 1988 that women could actually borrow money for a business without a male cosigner. Guys, that is in my career lifetime. We were not allowed to borrow money for business without a male cosigner." — Stephanie Dunn, Lords of Lending Episode #16

Ruth confirmed that this is not just history — it is current reality. When she went to her first two banks before finding Steph, she was met with the question: "Who's going to cosign with you?" In 2019. She also described the condescending questions that still come from credit teams: "How is she able to juggle her life and be in honor of all these locations?" — a question Steph noted she has never been asked to answer about a male borrower.

The funeral industry itself reflects this tension. While 70-77% of mortuary school students are now female, only 33% of funeral directors are women. The pipeline is changing, but the leadership and ownership picture has not caught up yet. Ruth sees herself as a trailblazer for the next generation — and she is backing that up with results, not just words.

3. Experience Is Momentum — And the First Deal Is the Hardest

Ruth's trajectory from corporate regional VP to 20+ acquisitions in five years sounds almost impossible until you understand the compound effect of experience. She started her career as a telemarketer making $3.35 an hour, earning an extra $5 for every sale. She worked her way up through sales management, then regional leadership, overseeing hundreds of locations for corporate funeral companies. By the time she bought her first cemetery, she had 30+ years of operational knowledge in the industry.

Steph told the story of Ruth's first deal from the lender's side. Ruth had sent projections showing she would double revenue in the first year. The credit team laughed. "This little lady's a dreamer. She can't double revenues in a year." Steph walked into the credit officer's office and said she would personally move to Greenville and run the cemetery herself if Ruth did not deliver.

Ruth more than doubled in the first year. She paid off the loan early. And then she bought the next one. And the next one. Eventually she sold some Gainesville properties for double what she paid and used the proceeds to pay off other loans, creating a self-funding acquisition engine.

"After the first million, what's it matter? Right? So we're just going to keep growing." — Ruth Thorn Kress, Lords of Lending Episode #16

Shane identified the pattern that every experienced acquisition buyer recognizes: the first deal is terrifying. The second is hard but familiar. By the third, you realize it is rinse and repeat. Experience creates momentum, and momentum creates confidence, and confidence attracts better deals. Ruth's car has 130,000 miles on it after two and a half years because she is still a "road dog" — driving to every property, meeting every seller, doing the work that built her empire in the first place.

The structure behind it is smart too. Brian asked about legal organization, and Ruth laid it out: a parent company (Faithful Heritage Holdings) with each acquisition held in its own LLC. Clean separation for tax purposes, liability protection, and ease of disposition if she decides to sell a property — exactly what happened with Gainesville. When the offer came in at double her purchase price, the sale was clean because the entity was already isolated.

What This Means for Business Buyers and Originators

This episode delivers two distinct messages depending on who you are.

If you are a buyer or aspiring acquirer, Ruth's story is a blueprint. She did not wait until everything was perfect. She did not wait for someone to give her permission. She had the industry knowledge, she found a lender who believed in her (and was willing to go to bat against skeptical credit officers), and she executed. Her advice to aspiring entrepreneurs, especially women: "Don't wait. Don't get comfortable. You can give yourself a thousand reasons not to do it, but if you start thinking on the other side, you can give yourself a thousand reasons to do it too."

If you are an originator or broker, the lesson is about recognizing when a business owner is signaling readiness to sell. The sellers Ruth acquires from are not posting their businesses on BizBuySell. They are having quiet conversations at industry events. They are dropping hints about being tired, about their kids not wanting the business, about looking for someone who will take care of their people. Those signals are the invitation to the dance — and the best brokers and originators know how to respond with questions, not pitches.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do you know when a business owner is ready to sell?

Business owners rarely announce their exit plans publicly. Instead, they drop signals: talking about retirement, mentioning that their children are not interested in the business, asking questions about "what happens when I'm gone," or inviting you to conversations that feel more personal than transactional. Ruth's approach is to lead with the question "What was your dream for this business?" — which opens the door for the seller to articulate what they want their legacy to look like after they exit.

Can women get SBA loans without a co-signer?

Yes. Since 1988, women have been legally able to borrow for business purposes without a male co-signer. SBA loan eligibility is based on creditworthiness, cash flow, collateral, and business viability — not gender. However, as this episode discusses, cultural and institutional biases still create barriers. Working with a lender who understands your industry and advocates for you in credit committee is critical.

How should I structure multiple business acquisitions?

Ruth's model — a parent holding company with each acquisition in its own LLC — is a common and effective structure. It provides liability separation (one property's legal issues do not expose the others), clean accounting, and ease of disposition if you decide to sell a property. Consult with an attorney and CPA to set up the structure before your first acquisition.

What is the best way to approach a seller in a multi-generational business?

Lead with respect for their legacy. Ask about their employees, their history, and their vision for what the business should look like after they leave. Multi-generational sellers are not just selling a business — they are handing over something their family built across decades. Demonstrating that you will honor that legacy, keep the employees, and maintain the community reputation is often more persuasive than offering the highest price.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Whether you are an aspiring acquirer looking to close your first deal or a seasoned buyer scaling through acquisition, the Lords of Lending Training Platform gives you the deal-structuring knowledge and lending insight to move with confidence.

Explore training options at learn.lordsoflending.com/pricing

This content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or investment advice. Consult with a qualified attorney, CPA, and financial advisor before making business or financing decisions. Loan terms, rates, and programs are subject to change and vary by lender.